I love building structures and solving puzzles, but I don't like to sit in those structures

There's a trend that has marked my whole adult life thus far: Build a structure, solve a puzzle or problem, live with it for a couple of weeks and then itch to break free and build a new structure (that will inevitably house me happily for another fortnight before I itch to do something different).

In my writing, eventually this settles once I land on the story that expresses the deep truth I'm trying to give breath to.

But elsewhere in life? If you've known me for a while, you know I've tried multiple businesses. In book coaching alone, I've tried multiple niches. Within those niches, I've made courses, programs, free resources... and as soon as they were available for a little while, I had to move on to something else.

I like helping people with the structure of their books because I can come in, help solve the puzzle, and then help solve a different puzzle. My brain is built for it.

I can make a kickass curriculum, but once I've made it, I don't want to be in it anymore.

You can see this puzzle-brain everywhere, even in how I consume stories. I can solve a murder mystery not only from the clues of the mystery itself, but by analyzing the story and how likely it is that a suspect is a red herring or the murderer.

Reading a murder mystery? It would take me months in most cases, because of this. Or, I will buy it, hold onto it for a long time, and then read it in a day. It really depends on where my energy is flowing. (It's one of the reasons that, much as I love puzzles and could and have coached the mystery genre, I don't market myself as a mystery book coach.)

At 43 years, 5 months, and 28 days old, it's taken most of my adult life to not feel bad about this. To not feel flighty. Sometimes, I still do. I think, oh there I go again, building something new before I gave the last thing I built time to be in the world.

It's like how after I publish a novel, I'm kinda done with it. I don't want to reread it or talk about it a lot (which makes me an ineffective marketer). Once it's out in the world, I very much would prefer it be like a fledged bird: Self-sustaining and grown up.

After all, effective marketing involves applying tactics and strategies with consistency. I can come up with a damn good marketing strategy, but implementing it? I don't ever stick with it.

That's on me, to some degree, but it's also on the industry that expects authors to write stories in their spare time (because it's rare we make enough to support ourselves from fiction), and then still find the hours to market like it's a full time job even though it won't likely lead to enough sales to even be the thing that affords a life in this world.

It's a horrible Catch-22 that we all acknowledge but somehow we are collectively willing to keep engaging with it.

My brain literally won't.

I'm not saying I don't love readers connecting with my stories. I love it so much. But I'm wired the way I'm wired. It's not that I haven't tried to change. I did a whole summer of heavy, consistent marketing for my first book – and then a few weeks before launch, my Instagram got hacked and deleted. At the launch party, it was during the Delta wave of COVID so most of the activities I planned got replaced with us just sitting around outside eating and drinking. It was fun too of course, but it wasn't the launch party I'd planned (which included games, prizes, a social media selfie station with story-themed hats, and more).

That book has earned, as of now, a little over $1,000. I'm super proud of it. But... publication and all that promotion and the party cost me about $3,000.

I don't write to earn because it takes unicorn magic to make that happen, and I hear they're pretty rare. Maybe that's why with my stories, I can stick with them long enough to finish them.

I'm done fighting the way I'm wired. As an HSP, I struggle with being around large groups for more than about 1-2 hours. I like building systems and structures and then moving on to the next. I love my work with Author Accelerator where part of my job is helping book coaches build business systems that they then implement, and I move on to the next puzzle of theirs or other coaches'.

I'm done trying to have a marketing strategy. I'll post when I post (though I promise you'll only see me waltzing into your inbox once a week – switching to weekends for now instead of Wednesdays). Sometimes here on Chiaroscuro Stories, that may be just the once or it might be several times a day. I'll share snippets and writing exercises I do. I'll welcome you into the sandbox, but I'm not going to beat you over the head with it, and I won't make promises about how often I'll get into the sand.

Some days aren't for sand. They're for playing with my corgi and daydreaming.

All this is to say... if you ever see me changing things or you've seen me change things, everything is fine. It's just how my brain works.

What's the astrology of this?

Let me give you a quick breakdown of some of the elements of my chart that speak to this the most:

1. As a Taurus rising, my chart ruler is Venus, which is in Capricorn, ruled by Saturn (hello love of building systems/solving puzzles)
2. As a Pisces moon, I love to mix it up (hello finding new puzzles as soon as I finish one – my poor mom shares a NYT account with me and if I wake up before her, I have to consciously remind myself not to do every puzzle solo)
3. My Sun, Mercury, and south node are also in Capricorn (more Saturn energy!)
4. My Neptune & Uranus are in Sagittarius (more adaptable energy!)
5. My Mercury is out of bounds, which means it doesn't like to play by the rules